The Vampires Of Penzance

2 Sep

I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Supernatural

With apologies to W.S. Gilbert and frankly everyone else.

 

SUPERNATURAL

I am the very model of a modern supernatural,

I’ve problems recognisable although my soul is damnable,

And though I murder innocents, by methods reprehensible,

I’m no less empathetic and completely understandable.

 

ALL

And though he murders innocents, by methods reprehensible,

He’s no less empathetic and completely understandable.

 

SUPERNATURAL

My drinking of your blood is really rather allegorical,

I howl at the full moon, but it’s for reasons categorical,

And if it hurts when I bite you it really is symbolical,

The pain is representative and wholly metaphorical.

 

ALL

And if it hurts when he bites you it really is symbolical,

The pain is representative and wholly metaphorical.

 

SUPERNATURAL

I know my horror heritage and how to dodge a sharpened stake,

Come at me with a cross, you will regret it pal and no mistake,

But when it comes to emo angst and whether I’m team Ed or Jake,

I’d rather have a cup of tea served with a slice of homemade cake.

 

ALL

But when it comes to emo angst and whether he’s team Ed or Jake,

He’d rather have a cup of tea served with a slice of homemade cake.

 

SUPERNATURAL

My fellow spooks and ghouls are found throughout polite society,

And generally we try to show refined respectability,

Although we sometimes break our vow and eat our neighbours for our tea,

It is a special treat we only give ourselves occasionally.

 

ALL

Although they sometimes break their vow and eat their neighbours for their tea,

It is a special treat they only give themselves occasionally.

 

SUPERNATURAL

Yes I’m a paid up member of the modern urban monster race,

But recently I’ve realised there’s lots of us about the place,

It’s hard to leave the house these days without a zombie giving chase,

I’m off to find some alien life on holiday in outer space.

 

ALL

It’s hard to leave the house these days without a zombie giving chase,

He’s off to find some alien life on holiday in outer space.

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4 Responses to “The Vampires Of Penzance”

  1. Derek Ritchie (@Abslom_Deek) September 2, 2011 at 2:38 pm #

    Priceless!!! A submission for Being Human: The Musical, surely?!?

  2. Jenni September 2, 2011 at 3:22 pm #

    Utter brilliance!! Bravo!

  3. Awurster September 3, 2011 at 12:44 am #

    Genius !

  4. Chunk September 5, 2011 at 10:05 pm #

    Like it! One for Emmaus?

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